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| the torture device in question |
Laser hair removal (lhr) as defined by The Mayo Clinic is “a medical procedure that uses laser light — an intense, pulsating beam of light — to remove unwanted hair”. They have an ok write up online about why it’s done, the risks, what to expect, cost etc. However, they blatantly leave out the pain factor section and fail to mention, that lhr is actually a procedure rapidly making its way up the top 10 most painful ways to torture a human-being list. Come on people, water boarding was so last year.
Here’s where I come in-a few things you ought to, should know about lhr before signing your life and last paycheck away.
1. Cost- Lhr is $$$. I see many peanut butter sandwiches in my future. I recommend shopping around first. Even with some of the deep discounts available at some lhr places, often others offer better savings at their regular rates. I suggest gathering about 3-5 friends together to do this at or around the same time. Most companies will never refuse an influx of business and should discount your services accordingly. If they don’t, remind them, that word of mouth advertising is the best advertising and you have a big mouth! In my case, three girls total signed up within a few weeks of each other and we all got a percentage off. What can you expect to throw down for a Brazilian bikini package? Try about $160/session and expect a minimum of 6 sessions.
2. P-a-i-n. It’s a four-letter word that will probably leave you screaming more 4 letters words by the time you’re done. This is something they definitely don’t tell you about and you should know. Lhr, at least for my 3 other amigas and me, has been very uncomfortable to say the least. We have all used some variation of hot, needles and/or rubberband-like snapping to describe our sessions. Imagine 20 mini scalding pitchforks piercing your most precious parts for 45 minutes. Then multiply how horrible you think that would feel by 100 and that is how painful lhr on our bikini actually is. You won't see any double rainbows or butterflies here. Don’t forget the sometimes embarrassing pelvic Parkinson’s that may occur. This is a direct result of the laser frying your insides. j/k. But really, the pain is so severe in some areas your lower body will jump, twitch, and shake uncontrollably like a fish out of water. Sounds fun right? I will say the tech is very accommodating, she will lower the intensity from the highest setting, but only if you ask, and will even give you stress balls to death grip into oblivion. You will clinch yourself to a new set of svelte forearms! Anyone who tells you, "it was no big deal", is not only a liar, but a big fat liar, a bigger liar than the biggest liar in history, Bill Clinton. Now that’s a big liar. We are girls, no need to man it up or downplay our experience for our homies. It’s painful and you ought to know!
I’m sure you are thinking after reading this, if it’s so gosh darn awful why are you doing it? And I say to that, there is nothing like the freedom you had back when you were an eight year old girl being able to throw on a swimsuit at the drop of a hat and head to the neighborhood pool for an afternoon game of sharks and minnows. When I was that age, I never had to worry about getting a shave in before I could join in on all the fun. To hopefully, never have to miss out on another summer adventure again, makes the remaining four torture treatments not only seem possible, but worth all the time, effort, and dip in the saving’s account.
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